thezackman: (worried about you)
Zack Fair ([personal profile] thezackman) wrote2007-12-07 10:35 pm
Entry tags:

[RL - @ home w/ Aeris]

*it's rather late at night, but is still awake, staring at the ceiling and hands behind his head. hasn't been sleeping well since October, and on top of that is still acclimatizing to the extra energy the mako treatment has give him - gigai don't absorb mako quite as well. it's first snow of the season outside, making everything hazy and muffled.

has taken to wearing sweatpants to bed since Aeris started sleeping over most nights, but is grateful for her presence. looks over at her sleeping next to him and sighs quietly, brushing a lock of hair away from her face*

[identity profile] 2007-12-08 08:27 am (UTC)(link)
*mumbles something that sounds like his name at his touch, scooting closer towards him in her sleep -- the only time anymore when she seems to be more relaxed and willing to seek his comfort without hesitation*
the_zackman: (mine.)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-08 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)
*smiles and leans over to drop a light kiss on her lips*

[identity profile] 2007-12-09 07:15 am (UTC)(link)
*furrows her brow, mostly in confusion, slowly starting to wake as her eyes open just a bit, gazing up at Zack, mind still fuzzy with sleep* Hmph? *blinks, trying to mentally kick her brain back into working... and failing*

*still half asleep! scoots closer unconsciously*
the_zackman: (for the Planet)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-09 07:45 am (UTC)(link)
Shh. Go back to sleep. *lets her scoot closer and wraps an arm around her*

[identity profile] 2007-12-10 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
*closes her eyes again* Ooof. *plops head down on his chest, mumbling* Sleep is overrated.
the_zackman: (<3)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
*smiles and runs his fingers through her hair, still murmuring low in his chest* Says you. I happen to like my sleep.

[identity profile] 2007-12-10 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
Hmm... *a little more awake now, but his fingers feel too good to move away and keep her distance. turning her head so she can look up at him, not moving otherwise* You know that the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' isn't meant to be taken so literally, right? *quietly, lowers her eyes to his chest, pausing* Still can't sleep?
the_zackman: (in the trenches)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
*looks back up at the ceiling again* Not really.

[identity profile] 2007-12-10 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
*winces, letting out a small sigh* I'm... sorry.

*wordlessly moves over to lie down next to him again instead of ON him, this time on her stomach, crossing her arms over the pillow and resting her head on them, the perfect position for pretending to go back to sleep AND to keep an eye on him at the same time*

the_zackman: (for the Planet)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 05:22 am (UTC)(link)
What? Why? *turns his head to look at her, and hey, likes being lied on :<*

[identity profile] 2007-12-10 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
*likes lying on him too! But she's feeling too guilty now, so no chance of that :<. apparently isn't ready to deal with looking at him yet either, so buries her face in her arms, speaking softly* I'm just sorry.
the_zackman: (quietly breaking)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 05:45 am (UTC)(link)
Aeris. *frustrated note to his voice, sitting up to look at her*

[identity profile] 2007-12-10 05:56 am (UTC)(link)
*tenses, not lifting her face* I'm sorry, I shouldn't keep you talking. Or you'll never get any sleep tonight.
the_zackman: (and sometimes it's so hard)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 06:13 am (UTC)(link)
Aeris, please. *grabs her shoulder and gently but insistently turns her over* You've been like this for weeks. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?

[identity profile] 2007-12-10 06:32 am (UTC)(link)
*quickly rubs a hand over her eyes, the slightest trace of moisture remaining at the corners as she finally lowers it to the bed, keeping her face down to try and keep him from noticing* Zack, don't. You are the one that needs to take care of himself. You still... *drifts off*
the_zackman: (this past we can't escape)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 06:34 am (UTC)(link)
*notices, and draws closer. if I still had my woobie eyes icon I would totally be using it on you right now* I still what? You need to take care of yourself too!

[identity profile] 2007-12-10 06:55 am (UTC)(link)
*shakes her head, still stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes* You still aren't okay. And I'm -*hesitates, for just a tiny, tiny fraction of a second*- fine.
the_zackman: (defiant)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 07:02 am (UTC)(link)
You're not fine. *braces one arm on either side of her, looking down at her. eyes are worried and hurt and frustrated and confused* Aeris, look at me.


[identity profile] 2007-12-10 07:21 am (UTC)(link)
*closes her eyes tightly, attempting to ignore him, but only seems to be fighting a losing battle*

Please. *her voice breaks* Don't. *damn it. can't stand to hear the emotion in his voice anymore. swallows, a couple more tears slipping out as she finally gives up fighting the urge to just shut him out completely, wide pained green eyes blurred with tears as her gaze finally focuses on his, unable to look away now that she's gotten a glimpse of the emotions he's so obviously going through*

((Now where's the fun in that~? I'd only end up missing out on the chance to make you babble senselessly~ ♥ Which I do oh so enjoy.))
the_zackman: (woobie eyes)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 07:35 am (UTC)(link)
*reaches up with one hand and gently brushes her tears away, eyes pleading* I just want to help you. Why won't you let me?


[identity profile] 2007-12-10 07:56 am (UTC)(link)
*voice barely above a whisper* Because it's my own fault. *smiles, sadly* And I'm too selfish to fix it.

((:D I bet I am. ♥ I think I'm heading to bed now, dear. Really tired. Good luck with the algebra? And sweet questionable dreams.))
the_zackman: (quietly breaking)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-10 08:04 am (UTC)(link)
*hangs his head* I bet it isn't. Tell me. Please?

((Perfect timing, I'm turning in too. XD I'll actually need more luck with the compiler processes and Von Neumann architecture, but thank you~! ♥ Blessings of the day, sweet dreams.))

[identity profile] 2007-12-12 02:14 am (UTC)(link)
*shaky exhalation, lifts a hand to rest against his cheek, thumb caressing the skin gently* Back then, when we were... When I thought you were-- *pauses, swallowing, continuing quietly as she averts her eyes* ... I could see them. Everyone in the Lifestream. My... Ifalna. All the people that lost their lives. Everywhere, all the time. I couldn't even feel anything, there was so much noise...

*her eyes fill with tears once more, but she doesn't bother trying to hide them this time, her voice nothing more than a whisper* I was supposed to let it absorb me, after Cloud defeated Sephiroth. I knew it from the start, I never even feared death, so why... *closes her eyes tightly*
Edited 2007-12-12 02:14 (UTC)
the_zackman: (What you say?)

[personal profile] the_zackman 2007-12-12 07:29 am (UTC)(link)
*eyes widen in surprise and sadness* Aeris . . . *lies down again and draws her tightly into his arms, resting his head on hers, cradling her* I didn't tell you what the virus was, did I? *is mentally kicking himself for that, knowing it probably could have saved her a lot of hurt. runs his fingers through her hair, trying to be soothing*

I looked it up on the comm after. Aeris, it was a fear virus. Everyone had to go through their worst fear . . . and most of them weren't even real. We just . . . had the bad luck to get caught up in one that was.

*pulls back only just enough to see her face, tilting her chin up with one hand and locking eyes with hers, willing her to believe what he's saying, his own eyes intent and mako-bright* You've got just as much right to live as the rest of us, as much as anyone. Whatever the Lifestream was saying, it couldn't have been real. You're kind and strong and unique and amazing and--and you gave up everything just so people could be happy. You still do. *cups her cheek and runs his thumb across her tears* You deserve to be here way more than I do. It's about time you took something for yourself.

[identity profile] 2007-12-18 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
*doesn't fight his hold, letting him pull her close and unconsciously leaning against his hand even as she shakes her head slowly, eyes not leaving his* Every single person who died during those terrible times was unique, not all of them with pure intentions maybe, but all strong and amazing in so many different ways...

*sad little smile as she drops her eyes* Some died willingly, others went without having done a thing wrong in their lives. I have no more right than the next person to be given a second chance. But as a Cetra, I wasn't supposed to have one in the first place, Zack.

*sighs, resting a hand just over his heart* After we stopped Sephiroth, stopped Geostigma... It's what I was supposed to do. Become one with the Planet. *lifts her eyes to give him a humorless little smirk* Why do you think I kept ignoring the Planet's voice back when I first met my mom? I was scared... *sighs and burrows closer* The virus didn't make me imagine that part. I just always felt so guilty, wondering what Ifalna would say, all those people we left behind in the Lifestream, unable to be absorved because of their guilt... *buries her face against his chest, voice small* And I was always so afraid you'd be taken away from me, because I was so selfish.

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